comfortably numb

Everybody knows the song.  The classic, Pink Floyd staple.  I heard this on my way to run some errands tonight and I thought about how easy it is to blank out and become comfortably numb.  It takes no effort to float along in life, to skim on the surface and put everything on cruise control.  Why is that?  Is it just because it's the path of least resistance?  Are there environmental factors that lead to us checking out?  Technological dependence for one.  Smart phones and constant contact create such ridiculous distractions.  Or is it because our basic human nature is to shy away from the mirror of life, and to keep from digging too deep into ourselves?

Digging deep takes courage.  And effort.  It requires humbling oneself to evaluate and dissect the imperfections within.  It means we have to be willing to admit our weaknesses, our struggles, our failures.  It leads to reflection, and it always brings me to my knees.

Everyone needs a friend who can hold the mirror up.  Being able to be open and vulnerable and having an established trust with someone who can provide help and encouragement is scary.  But sometimes we need that friend who will see the ugly parts and lovingly work through things with us.  

How do you keep yourself grounded?  Plugged in?  Focused?

Why I Choose to Unabashedly Celebrate and Observe Veterans Day

Written November 10 2010

In today’s world of extremism, being a moderate is applauded.  This works well for me, as I am moderate in most things.  But today I choose to not be moderate.  I am celebrating and observing Veteran’s Day in memory and honor of the sacrifices made every day by our military personnel and their families.  For me, this has a deeper meaning than spouting off the historical significance of the holiday or posting a picture of a flag.  Some people will roll their eyes today, and blog about their annoyance at the collective outburst of nationalism displayed by the masses every patriotic holiday.  When I see comments like that, I always have an urge to rip off a long reply about patriotism and what it means to me.  Let me tell you about patriotism and outbursts.   I wonder if those people would really stop and think . . . .  maybe even listen.  Beyond the current bandwagon of military pride, there really is a deeper meaning for me.

“Patriotism is not short frenzied outbursts of emotion, but the quiet and steady dedication of a lifetime” (Adlai Stevenson)

This quote is a perfect description of my brother and his service.  He’s not flashy about it, he detests the limelight, he doesn’t even like to talk about his work.  But he goes about his job with quiet determination.  Yes, it’s his job.  Yes, it was his choice.  Yes, he could walk away if he really wanted to.  But it’s also a calling.  And a decision he made, with very real consequences – of time and purpose and sacrifice. I have never heard my sister in law complain about his hours.  Or his deployments.  Or the last minute changes in schedules. Or the constant unknown.  She is an amazing military spouse, and I love her even more for her support of his service.  Our family doesn’t have the luxury of an impromptu weekend get together.  Thousands of miles require careful planning.  There are holidays where we can’t be together around the same table.  There are sibling power hours that are patched together with a text or a phone call.  And that’s okay.  My sacrifice is so small in comparison to others. When I think about my brother’s service, I am proud and terrified all at the same time.  Proud to see him in uniform.  Proud that he is doing what he was born to do. Terrified of the unspoken. 

So, tomorrow I’m going to go to work, because I’m not in the retail section of the bank, and it will be business as usual.  But I will be celebrating our Veterans.  I will celebrate my brother and his precious family, and my other military friends and their families.   I will look up above my computer screen to the scrap of paper clipped from a bulletin seven years ago, and say the prayer for those in the Armed Forces of our Country, like I do every day. 

25. For those in the Armed Forces of our Country - BCP 1979

Almighty God, we commend to your gracious care and keeping all the men and women of our armed forces at homeand abroad. Defend them day by day with your heavenly grace; strengthen them in their trials and temptations; give them courage to face the perils which beset them; and grant them a sense of your abiding presence wherever they may be; through Jesus Christ our Lord. Amen. 

finding my song again

I recently spent a week on the mountain at a camp that has been a part of my life since the age of 4 or 5.  After missing a dozen or so years, due to work and life and busy-ness, I made a commitment to attend the 50th Anniversary.  It was the first week of vacation I've taken for pure rest and relaxation since 2008, and how wonderful it was - precious time spent with forever friends, and making memories with some new and dear friends, too.

What better way to recharge and reconnect than to spend one's days singing and learning really good, really challenging music?  It couldn't have come at a better time.  I felt more like myself after a week on the mountain than I have in a long time in the trenches of daily life . .  . which has lead me to question why.  Of course, anyone can feel rested and relaxed after a week away from the normal routine.  But I found my voice while I was on the mountain - literally and figuratively . . . I didn't even know it was missing.  I've gone silent in a lot of ways over the past few years - I'm humming again around the house, and my heart and mind are humming too!

There are several things I can identify as reasons why I went silent.  Some that were puzzling, and some that cut deep and have left a lasting pain.  I'm going to use this blog to work through some of them.  But right along those disappointments, there have been some amazing blessings and amazingly wonderful changes that have left me deliriously happy and content!

I've been overwhelmed by a sense of focus and purpose the past few weeks.  I'm working diligently towards some really big changes, and I am excited to see doors of opportunity opening.

God has a way of stretching us, doesn't He.  Usually in ways we never thought possible, but isn't it wonderful to see the growth in real time?